Infidelity is one of the most devastating and shocking experiences a marriage can go through. Whether a spouse confessed or caught having an affair, it is a bomb that could leave the other spouse emotionally paralyzed. But while infidelity is the most common reason for divorce it is not impossible for couples to make the marriage work after cheating. There are couples who were able to get through and survive after an affair. To repair a troubled relationship, it is important to know the steps in healing after infidelity.
To be able to achieve total healing after infidelity, individual healing for the injured and the cheater spouse is necessary.
For the injured spouse, the immediate instinct after an affair is to confront the issue right away to find the reasons why the affair took place, why your spouse cheated on you and will you be able to trust your partner again. Although it is important to know every detail of the affair, at this stage, finding every detail and reasons of the affair will not help you heal.
As an injured spouse, the best thing you can do after learning about the affair is to work on your own emotions. People who have been cheated on experienced a wide range of emotions like anger, jealousy, guilt, betrayal, frustrations, disappointment, shame, uncertainty, etc. If you failed to manage and control those emotions, they will control you and your relationship. If you want total healing after an affair, you have to learn how to control those overwhelming negative emotions. You can think soundly and focus more on saving your marriage when you are no longer ruled by those negative emotions.
Healing after infidelity doesn’t only involve taking control of your emotions but it also include clearing your mind of the negative thoughts haunting you. After the discovery of your spouse’s affair it is normal to have these thoughts: “Is your spouse’s lover better than you?”, “Do your spouse love his or her lover more?”, “What could have you done to prevent the affair from happening?” It is also normal to feel insecure and worthless. It is important to learn how to erase these negative thoughts out of your mind and start rebuilding your self-confidence.
If you think that the injured spouse is the only one hurting, think again, because the one who committed adultery needs to come to terms with his or her emotions too. The spouse who cheated also needs self-healing after infidelity to cope with her or his issues. There are many issues that the cheating spouse needs to work on before hoping to restore the trust of his or her spouse. The cheating spouse have to deal with the feeling of guilt, shame, worthlessness and the fear that his or her spouse will never trust him or her again. The permanent withdrawal from the affair is also another issue that the cheating spouse have to deal with. Sometimes cheating is like a drug addiction that a spouse needs to go through a withdrawal process to come clean and rebuild the trust in the relationship.
As a cheating spouse, when it comes to rebuilding the trust of your spouse, it is best to be transparent and see things from your spouse’s perspective.
Healing together as a couple.
Healing after infidelity includes working together to save your marriage after an affair. After working on your individual issues and emotions, now is the time to heal as a couple. This is the stage where couples take a step to establish a better and effective way to communicate with each other in order to prepare themselves to talk more about the details of the affair and to prepare themselves to take the road of forgiveness. Because you have learned to manage your own emotions, the injured spouse will not be too emotional about the details of the affair and the cheating spouse will be more sensitive in discussing the details of the affair. If couples can communicate effectively, can see each other eye to eye or can see things from their spouse’s perspective, recovering after an affair is very possible.
Starting anew is the final step in healing after infidelity. This is the stage where you and your spouse starts to rebuild and protect your new trust-filled relationship. Both of you will work on strengthening your marriage and re-establishing the emotional connection with each other.
Are you ready to walk through the detailed step-by-step system for saving your marriage after it’s been shattered by an affair? Visit Save My Marriage Today