Posts Tagged ‘avoid divorce’

Create a Long Lasting Marriage and Avoid Divorce

November 11th, 2011 by | Comments Off | Filed in Save Your Marriage

All married couples want  a relationship that would last a lifetime but not everybody knows how to create a lasting marriage.  Keeping a marriage is not easy but it is something that can be achieved with commitment and the right understanding of what you are getting yourself into.  Although there is no perfect marriage, couples are capable of creating a long-lasting marriage if they are willing to work on the following elements.

Honor the commitment. Many couples were able to survive the difficult times in their marriage because they were able to understand and honor their marriage commitment. Any marriage has its flaws and imperfections but the ways couples handle those imperfections make a great difference.  Couples should take their wedding vows seriously and the vows are not something that can be thrown out of the window in times of difficulties or trials. Trials are supposed to strengthen the marriage and not ruin it. Couples who accepted their vows as serious commitment are bound to create a long lasting marriage and divorce is not an option.

Mutual respect. Marriage is a union of two people and they should become as one. Although couples are united as one, they are still two different people who may clash once in a while due to their different beliefs, opinions, etc. Your differences can put a strain in your marriage if you do not know how to respect each other. So to create a long-lasting marriage mutual respect is a must.

Willing to sacrifice for your spouse.  One characteristic of true love is that you are willing to sacrifice and give way for your spouse. You do not have to be a martyr type of spouse but in a marriage there are situations that you have to give way to make your spouse happy.  In a marriage, it is not about you anymore. To create a long lasting marriage, you have to learn how to compromise or you have to know how to sacrifice for your spouse because this is something that people do for someone they really love. If you are willing to sacrifice for your spouse, the marriage will grow stronger.

Satisfying lovemaking. Couples are vulnerable to temptation if they are not sexually satisfied.  Lack of intimacy can put your marriage in danger. One of the reasons of infidelity is sexual dissatisfaction Couples connect emotionally and physically during lovemaking so both should reach the level of satisfaction to make the lovemaking something to look forward to. A healthy and satisfying sex life is important if you want to create a long lasting marriage.

Share responsibilities. Couples often have their own jobs or careers and it is best to share responsibilities at home especially if you have kids and errands to accomplish.   Keeping a marriage, a career and keeping things in order at home are too much for one person to handle. So to avoid stress in your marriage, share responsibilities.  Help your spouse to keep things smooth at home. This is also another opportunity to do things together and strengthen your marriage.

It takes a lot of work and dedication to create a long lasting marriage but it is not impossible for couples to spend the rest of their lives together.  If your marriage is going through difficult times, there are ways to save your marriage and avoid divorce. Visit The Magic of Making Up

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Keeping a Marriage Strong and Healthy- Communication Breakdown

June 9th, 2010 by | Comments Off | Filed in Save Your Marriage

It happens to the best of us. Communication is such a fickle thing, and the lines of communication can become blurred every so often, especially when feelings are involved. Even those who think that they are immune to the confusion of conflict can find themselves drawn into a communication breakdown when they least expect it, and chaos ensues.

This happened to me on the weekend, and until to be quite honest, it took me by surprise. Even those of us who are better equipped than many others are not immune and keeping a marriage strong and healthy can be very difficult. My partner told me something that really hurt my feelings, and I lashed back in defense. It was a silly argument, over something as simple as a misplaced bottle of aftershave. But to me, it represented something much deeper, that had been simmering away for a couple of weeks. I get frustrated at having to search for something when it is not where I expect it to be. Worse still when my partner has shifted it and I don’t know the first place to begin searching.

Aftershave, needles and thread, car keys, a Tupperware container to store my baking soda in, covers for our outdoor chairs, all were examples of instances where I had to turn the house upside-down. A simple answer from my partner when these things were shifted would have saved me a lot of time and frustration. And the answer I got? “You need to open your eyes and organize yourself better”

I was gutted. When I come home from work I exercise the dog and cook dinner so that it is on the table by the time my partner gets home. The house is always spotless and warm, as I’m very conscious of coming home to a tidy environment. I see this as a fundamental part of my role in coming home first, and it takes a lot of my time. To imply that I have the time to “organize yourself better” really hurt.

I don’t expect praise, but I did hope that my efforts were recognized. I got told that “I don’t expect you to cook my dinner every night” was interpreted by me as ingratitude, and hurt me even more.

So where to from here? My partner felt guilty at coming home every night to the perfect household, whereas I felt guilty if it wasn’t perfect. It was never about me trying to make him feel guilty, but it seems it did. And this is where the communication fell down. He misinterpreted my efforts, and I misinterpreted his response.

Communication, communication, communication. I need for my partner to keep me informed of where things move to. I need to be informed. I need to voice my frustration before it gets to boiling point. We both need to talk about our feelings more, and how each of our contributions to our home and our relationship make us feel, and how we interpret each others contributions. It is not a competition, but for many couples it feels like it.

When people feel guilt or stress, it leads them to act funny ways. Often stress and guilt are barriers to communication. The key to overcoming them is to recognize what it is, and have the courage to talk about it. You might be able to do it as a couple, or you might want the help of a friend who can listen to the way you are communicating with each other and offer insights and advice.

We got it sorted out, and kissed and hugged. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t feel such love at the same time. But it served as a good reminder to me. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your own emotions that you forget to think of the other person. You also need to entertain the possibility that you are misinterpreting each other. Talking about it is the way to expose the miscommunication and let the healing begin.

A good lesson to learn, even for the experts…

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