Couples have to stand the test of time and have to go through a lot of trials to stay together. One of the most devastating trials a marriage could go through is an affair. A spouse’s betrayal through an affair could damage the trust in the marriage. Trust is important in a marriage and they have to trust each other despite the trials. Building trust in a relationship after an affair is very important because trust is essential to make the relationship last. A marriage without trust is bound to fail.
Building trust in a relationship after an affair can be very difficult but if you want to make your marriage work again and start anew, rebuilding trust in a marriage is very important. So how to restore trust again after an affair?
For the spouse who was cheated on:
Leave the past behind. Arguments and fights cannot be avoided in a marriage so fight fair. Stop bringing up past issues during arguments if you want to start building trust in a relationship after an affair. One of the most difficult things about restoring trust in a marriage after an affair is leaving the past behind. Rebuilding the trust in your relationship can be more difficult if you will keep mentioning the mistakes of the past. Let go of the hurt, anger and doubts if you want to move on and repair your damaged marriage. Leave the past behind and move forward.
Do not blame yourself. It is not your fault that your spouse cheated on you. Cheating is a personal decision and you have nothing to do with it, it is not your fault. Blaming yourself and thinking about the things you did wrong or the things that you should have done differently will not help you to trust your spouse again. In order to start building trust in a relationship after an affair, you have to stop blaming yourself.
Stop feeling worthless and insecure. One of the negative effects of being cheated on is the build-up of insecurities and the feeling that you are worthless. Do not let these negative feelings prevent you from trusting your spouse again. If your spouse is sincerely asking for a second chance, it is an indication that you are very important and your spouse do not want to let you go.
Respect your spouse’s privacy. There is no guarantee that your spouse will not cheat on you again and spying your spouse’s phone, social media and personal belongings will not prevent your spouse from committing infidelity again. You just have to trust your spouse and hold on to the fact that your spouse wants a second chance and doesn’t want to let go of your marriage. If you decided to give your spouse another chance, it doesn’t mean that you have the right to abuse your spouse and violate his or her privacy. Respect your spouse’s privacy and start anew.
Willingness to trust again. In building trust in a relationship after an affair, it is important that you are willing to trust again and move forward. Your willingness and strong desire to stay and keep your marriage for good will be your driving force to give your spouse another chance, restore the trust in your marriage and start anew.
Seek professional help. If you find it hard to get through this difficult stage in your marriage on your own, seek professional help. A marriage counselor can help you survive after an affair. It can be very helpful to talk to someone who can give you sound advice. Talking to people in a therapy group who have the same experiences can also help you get through this painful stage in your marriage. Before building trust in a relationship after an affair, you need to heal yourself first.
For the spouse who had an affair:
Totally cut-off your affair with the other person. Of course, in order to restore the trust in your marriage, you have to end the affair with “the other person.” You cannot restore the trust in your marriage if you are still having an affair.
Keep your promises. If you are the one who cheated on your spouse, it is important to prove your sincerity to make the marriage work again and you can do this by keeping your promises. If you promised you’ll call then call your spouse, if you promised you’ll be home by dinner then be home for dinner. Keeping your promises is important if you want to be trusted again.
Own up to your mistakes. It is a bad move to blame your spouse for your cheating. Even if there are issues in your marriage that you felt pushed you to cheat, cheating your spouse was your own decision. You could have addressed the issues in your marriage without betraying your spouse but you chose to cheat on your spouse and that is a huge mistake. Stop being defensive, justifying your mistakes and blaming others, own up to your mistakes if you want to start building trust in a relationship after an affair.
Make a decision not to lie or betray your spouse again. Cheating can become a habit. Cheating your spouse over and over again can permanently damage your marriage and your chance to regain the trust of your spouse. If you want to keep your marriage and stay with your spouse then you have to make a decision not to cheat again.
Be patient. Building trust in a relationship after an affair is not an overnight thing, so give it some time and be patient. You can’t expect things to return to normal quickly. It takes time to change your spouse’s hurt feelings, distrust and suspicion to trust. Take things one step at a time and continuously work on rebuilding the trust in your marriage.
For both spouses:
Communication is the key. It can be tiring to hear that communication is important to bridge the gap between couples but it is true especially when couples need to fix their marriage after being devastated by an affair. Open and honest communication is necessary in building trust in a relationship after an affair. For the one who cheated, it is important to be transparent and willing to open up about the details of the affair to restore the trust in the relationship. The injured spouse should be open to talk about the affair and should not let emotions rule over him or her.
Work as a team. Moving forward after an affair is a joint effort for couples. Both couples have their respective responsibilities to make the marriage work again. Couples should work as a team in building trust in the relationship after an affair.
Cheating does not have to lead to divorce. Is your marriage in trouble? Save your troubled marriage visit How to Survive an Affair